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A Plea From a Die-Hard Washington Football Fan; Put Me in Coach

Can you sign me up! Washington Redskins newest member of the Washington Redskins broadcasting team, play-by-play color man Marc Lande.

If you know one thing about me I have been there for most of the big moments for Washington football from the 80s onward and I don’t even have an agent.

I also have the gift of gab. As a speaker for NAMI md I have gotten whole rooms to laugh, I think? At least most of the room? I don’t need cue cards.

I have taught and substituted in dc, enough said for my day job with covid-19 could be free on weekdays. Besides Washington has no prime time this year, yet!!!

As a writer I have terrible grammar but good ideas. I know history in the making from a Brummell start to a rgIII run…

Now play-by-play, I will make huge mistakes as I tend to mix up yardage and name pronouncing, downs and scores but I am ready to go. Ah, Cooley was also screaming out the yard for Larry!

I spent my school career in speech classrooms sort of like Winston Churchill, the orator of the 20th century!!!

While sometimes I forget to sound out names, a bad habit, call it being way too American, I got the gift of gab of a champ. And I work work so hard on getting the names right.

And I would start with a I have no idea how to say his name and ask instead of the garbage I hear from fox and cbs and everywhere just about.

How much fun bringing in that color to the booth, I am a minority too, another Jew in the press box but Tony Kornheiser is well so old and slept his evening on Mnf!

The most un—memorable MNF career in the history of MNF Korn taught us to take a collective snore at sports. I can teach snore,I can teach not giving up and I can teach we have not seen this before folks.

The thrill of victory and agony of defeat, yes, agony of defeat—something that seems to be loss with a lot of broadcasters these days.

Whether Red Wolves,a boring 60 minutes or rather boring 3 hours and 40 minutes of the same blood curling instinct call of the wild howling I will say after an era of good football, how slavishly boring a generation howling after each 1st down like in Seattle or Philly. How about sitting dog instead.

Or Red Tails, as Catch-22’s awe inspiring brilliant character Yossarian’s motto , “always take evasive action.” Even though Yossarian was white, Red Tails must have known the same. How much fun, me calling out, “now is the time for the Red Tails to adjust. From the looks of that play, AP needed to take evasive action.”

Or how about the Warriors, fun also with my side comment still wanting Peaceful Warriors added in for Washington. And references to former Warriors like Wilt and his 100 point Herculan effort (thanks Nbc4 for that Jim Vance posthumously clip from that Philly boy for the reference. RIP Jim, a true Washington football fan).

So, go Washington football and Dan hire me!

Where’s Vernon Davis today? Congress Heights, Southeast Elementary, Berry Farms. A metro area kid I will be mentioning community service, schools and kids a lot. Off the field needs some air time between plays!

We can bring in royalty like Henry ‘Discombobulating’ Jones, a personal buddy…I met former world champ fighter Mark ‘Too Sharp’ Johnson and his helping hands foundation. Let’s make this a metro area broadcast.

We can talk offense, defense, special teams. Heck our punter looked like Reeves in “Superman” this season. Can he kick it 80 in the air, probably not but that is the type of questioning I would be getting some sort of answers to…who is the fastest? Hardest to cover downfield on kicks and who is our backup long snapper!

Nixon, Al Gore , Tipper, dems, reps, it is time for a dem doing play by play—sorry, Michael’s that is a MCOS aspersions because of the lack of bleeding heart on Sunday’s….

Please Dan, hire this writer. Hire this dude. Hire this kid, Well I am 46. Kind of like Farley in ‘Tommy Boy.’ Where’s the deer? Kind of like Stern, should not go there! But I keep it clean unlike Howard. The gift of gab with a nasal voice.

So, sign me up Dan. It would be fun, entertaining and definitely not ap style— what is professional anyhow but kindness for all humans—yes, you will not hear Dallas s—- or booing but you will get We want Dallas and anybody but D.

You want a trained journalist go to Syracuse…Give the polish a kick to the can. Get some Washington football heart and soul from a MCPS student leader, bipartisanship, calling out Steinbrenner type deflections of Snyder, calling out play that is too good to be that bad.

Calling out why more rugby tosses and kicks are not used, Yes, four years of college rugby and three at the same school as Jennifer King. Our basketball team played in a YMCA, not quite UCLA or USC or wherever Doc played.

Let’s go—my heart still wants to say let’s go Skins—even though I will use the opportunity to always be bipartisan and tolerant but also educate that it was an ask to change and a vicious racial slur… but today in my hearts of hearts I can say, go DC Football! But most importantly hire me because I know to the fans it’s all about humor.

I know ultimately when as a town we are laughing at our differences, in good humor with Washington football, that is a win.

Max and the Babe, Danny and the glove, Bruce! Jay and Bill!…hmmm, where is the Babe these days? Islands?

Understudying Aikman? Radio! I will be talking to the GOAT! Let this bud in the booth with his love of metropolitan and his Yankee hat being worn. That is 40-something DC baseball!

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