There’s Nothing Worse Than Losing To The Dallas Cowboys

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In a way-too-familiar story, the defense of the Washington Redskins blew another fairly substantial lead in the fourth quarter, en route to their seventh straight loss.

Except this time, it was to the hated Dallas Cowboys.

In the hierarchy of Redskins fandom, there is the misery of defeat, then the misery of defeat when losing to an NFC East team not named the Cowboys, and then, at the very bottom, the sheer misery of losing to the Dallas Cowboys. It really doesn’t matter what the records of either teams are, what week or month it is, or what the bigger ramifications are (if any). It always sucks beyond belief to lose to Dallas.

Nothing feels more gut-wrenching and smells more rancid than losing to the Cowboys. It’s like having your Christmas bonus reduced, and watching it go to your lazy douchebag co-worker who coasts at his job by doing the bare minimum. It’s like having an amazing sister who grew up being as much your best friend as your sibling, and then watching her bring home some alcoholic, high school dropout for Christmas, followed by her announcing they’re pregnant. It’s like hearing a story on the news that a convicted sex offender won the mega millions lottery.

As a Redskins fan, that’s what it feels like to lose to Dallas.

And yes, for the record, I just compared the Cowboys — although mostly, it’s their non-Dallas-Ft. Worth-area-residing fans — to lazy employees, alcoholic high school dropouts, and convicted sex offenders.

More specifically, i’ve always maintained that Dallas fans are like cockroaches: when things are going bad for the Redskins, there’s an infestation of Cowboys fans. But when Dallas loses, and you shine the light on them to expose their perpetual mediocrity, they quickly scatter and can’t be found anywhere.

But since Dallas won, we won’t be able to enjoy watching them scatter from the light. Instead, we’re going to have to spend a whole week hearing about their victory from that insect fan base. We’ll have to hear about the team we root for having double-digit losses, and their team still has postseason aspirations.

We’ll have to spend the week hearing about how Dallas will be hosting the opportunity to win the NFC East at home, and how that matchup was set up by Tony Romo’s “toughness” and “gutting out” the leg injury sustained against the Redskins. They’ll remind us that they’ll get to fill their gaudy monstrosity of a season with over 100 thousand clueless, chucklehead Cowboys fans for next week’s game against Philadelphia, with the NFC East title on the line.

As a Redskins fan, if that doesn’t make you want to vomit, then nothing will.

I’ve been as angrily apathetic at this 2013 Redskins squad, for the second half of this season, as i’ve been in the last 27 years of watching Redskins football. But, if not for one more game this season, I found myself on the edge of my seat, as emotionally invested as over, all fueled with that faint of hope of dealing that Godless franchise in Dallas another December loss.

But like everything else that’s taken place for the Redskins this season, it was no dice. And that feels worse than being undressed and humiliated by Andy Reid. That feels worse than never really being competitive in a game against San Francisco, in front of the whole nation. That feels worse than blowing a second half lead against Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos, or not converting the two point attempt to beat Atlanta.

As a proud DMV native, I’ve almost exclusively adhered to the doctrine of rooting for exactly two NFL teams: the Washington Redskins, and whoever plays the Dallas Cowboys. Today, in one fell swoop, both of them lost.

As you’d expect, it’s double the misery.

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3 Responses to “There’s Nothing Worse Than Losing To The Dallas Cowboys”

  1. Jason says:

    Foreskins suck, deal with it.
    PS kill yourself

    • Mark says:

      Jason (if that’s your real name),
      Your comment leads me to believe that you are probably some pimple-faced tweener trying to find your place in life. Name calling (especially anonymously) is considered very immature by “Grown Ups”. I’m almost certain that you’re a bandwagon fan of some Redskin rival and that due to your lack of social skills you have chosen this venue to exact your pathetic revenge for not having a team to call your own. I suggest that you should sneak into Mommy’s room, cuddle her and then go fuck yourself. Merry Christmas you piece of shit.

  2. […] There‚Äôs Nothing Worse Than Losing To The Dallas Cowboys In a way-too-familiar story, the defense of the Washington Redskins blew another fairly substantial lead in the fourth quarter, en route to their seventh straight loss. Except this time, it was to the hated Dallas Cowboys. In the hierarchy of Redskins fandom, there is the misery of defeat, then the misery of defeat when losing […]… […]